![]() Which gave us his immortal words: “I know Beyonce. All except Ulysses, who instructed his men to lash him to the mast, so he could listen. When they passed the beautiful Sirens, luring sailors onto the reefs with their hypnotic songs, there were no olives for Ulysses’s men to stuff in their ears, so they used mozzarella (Greek for, “ear plugs would have been better”). Without proper navigation equipment, Ulysses and his men were lost for ten years on the ‘wine dark sea’. ![]() Then the slices were all bent and lame, and all the olives fell off. In the original version of the Odyssey, at the end of the Trojan War, the goddess Hera cursed the Greeks, by having the boy delivering the pizzas to the victory party drop the all boxes. Since the ancient Greeks used their slices of pizza as a crude but delicious astrolabe to determine their latitude, and the olives they preferred as a topping as a log to reckon mileage, this meant their navigation could be off by as many as four or five olives a day. They could be 11 or 11-1/2, and this meant the points, or slices, were never the same size. The trouble was that the plastic-table-thingy’s epicycles were not a perfect 11-1/4 rotations around the perimeter of the pizza. ![]() This gave the ancient Greek mariner his “pontiesis”, which later became the Anglo-Saxon mariner’s “points", and which today the landlubber calls a “slice”. The ancient Greek mathematician Eratosthenes theorized that the little round plastic-table-thingy on top of the pizza, when rotated around the periphery of the pie, made 11-1/4 epicycles around the perimeter. ![]()
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